The MatchMaker
by morning.chickenhead
Summary: Sam and Dean are summoned to help fellow hunter Charlie Swan track down a nasty creature. That's when they meet Edward, and Dean doesn't like him a bit. That's when they meet Bella, and Dean likes her A LOT. Watch ensuing drama unfold. Please R&R! Thx. :
1. Let's Get This Over With, Part I

The Match-Maker

Disclaimer: I own nothing Supernatural or Twilight. Same for the whole story through.

**Forks, Washington**

"Furthest North we've been in awhile," Sam comments absent-mindedly, swinging his gaze around the yard's gray atmosphere as he slams the car door.

"Yeah, well, let's get this over with," Dean mumbles.

"Dude, what is your problem?" Sam demands as they climb the front porch.

"Really? You want to talk about this right now?" Dean grumbles. But when he reaches his hand out to press in the doorbell, Sam grabs his wrist and pulls it back down to his side.

"We just drove a thousand miles and you didn't make a peep," Sam points out. "We have to deal with this sometime. I think you're pretty damned torn up about what happened to Jo, and -"

"- and Ellen," Dean inserts quickly. "She was kind of like, uh, My Favourite Aunt or something."

Sam rolls his eyes. "Right, Dean. She was a regular Mrs. Claus."

"Don't even _mention_ that name!" Dean cries, pressing his hands over his ears.

"Oops, sorry," Sam replies, his mind jumping to their near bloody sacrifice to a couple of gods who liked to play Happy Holidays. "Anyway," he continues, shaking the image of the carving knife from his head, "just because our business brings us to another hunter doesn't mean we're going to get hurt. Or that they are."

"It's like we're cursed or something," Dean growls, pounding a fist into his palm.

"Hardly. Think about Bobby. We see him every other week, and the man's gotta be, what sixty?"

"Yeah, well Bobby's a special case. Bobby's like...God or something."

Sam purses his lips into a skeptical smile. "You mean like how Ellen's Your Favourite Aunt?"

"Yeah...whatever. Look. Like I said, let's just get this over with. Please?"

Sam reluctantly reaches for the doorbell. "Well, okay. But later you'll need a good hug-it-out."

Sam is grinning to himself and Dean is muttering irritatedly under his breath, each of them looking in opposite directions, when the door opens in response. "Boys." The two younger men snap to attention.

The shorter, mustached man is studying them carefully, hand tucked protectively over the rifle at his side.

Sam is the first to fall out of line. "Are you Charlie Swan?" he asks politely.

Suddenly the man's face melts into a smile. "Yeah. I am. And you're Sam and Dean. C'mon in, young fellas."

Sam can tell Dean is itching to get down to business, but he jumps in first to cover the bases he wants covered. "So you knew our dad?"

"A little," Charlie nods, flipping a kitchen chair so it faces backwards and seating himself on it. He gestures so the two will take the other chairs, but Dean remains standing, eyeing up the corners of the kitchen, as plainly decorated as could be.

"I met the man when he came through here on a wolf hunt several years back. Yes...it was right before my girls left."

"But you think it's vampires we're after now?" Dean interjects.

"Vampires, for certain, or something akin to them. Nastier'n I've seen 'em before, though."

Sam glares at Dean and steers the conversation back to their father. "Was he successful in his hunt?" he inquires.

"Yes and no," is Charlie's cryptic reply. At Sam's questioning eyes, he explains: "He caught what he was looking for, so he was successful in that way. But someone talked him out of going through with the kill."

"And that someone was you?"

"You read me like an open book," Charlie laughs. "But enough about me. Let's talk about you. And those dark lords hovering out there in the darkened woods."


	2. Let's Get This Over With, Part II

"Why do you need our help?" Dean asks suspiciously. "You want us to catch the bastard just so you can talk us out of killing it? Cuz once I start I don't stop."

"We'll do our best to help, whatever your reason," Sam promises, sidestepping his brother's rudeness.

"Thing is, I've been after it for awhile. And more and more people are dying. Particularly gruesome deaths, not clean-cut and drained out neatly, as I've seen before. And no one going missing, no one being turned, leastways that I know of. Why you boys? Well, word on the hunter circuit has it that you're good. So good that you're on some of those hunters' lists." Sam and Dean exchange grave looks. "But don't you worry, young fellas, I only brought you here with the best of intentions. I presume you checked me out with Bobby Singer before you hitched your asses on up here?"

Sam nods. "Bobby's like a father to us."

"Or a God..." Dean mutters under his breath.

"Yeah, he'd've been my first pick, only I know he likes to stick around his own territory if at all possible. But you two are a regular pair of honeymooners, as I take it."

"A travelling freak show," Dean says with a smile.

"Well good," is Charlie's reply.

The creak of the front door made all three of them slap a hand to their respective weapon of choice.

"Oh, it's my daughter, Bella! Come in here. There's someone I want you to meet."

"Kind of busy, Dad. I'm going right out again."

"I'm so glad she's found some friends," Charlie says as an aside to the Winchester brothers. Dean nods in mock understanding while Sam gives a sympathetic smile. "They're old friends, Bella. You can go out right after!"

Sam and Dean look at each other in suspicion as they hear a rustling and a murmur at the front door before the girl closes it behind her and bounces into the room.

"Okay, Dad, I'm here. Can we get this over with? I have something important to do."

"Bella, this is Sam, Dean." The two nod, the first curtly, the second awkwardly, as their names are called. _Holy hell! _Dean thinks, then curses himself for using those evil words. _But holy – matrimony? This woman is _hot...

He can almost hear Sam's parental voice break into his thoughts. _Not now, Dean. And not with a hunter's kid. I mean, I'm sensitive to your needs right now, because of the whole Jo thing, but –_

_Shut up, Sam. And would you relax? There's no crime to me pasting her head on the porno that plays circuitously in my head –_

_Circuitously?_

_What, like you wouldn't enjoy intellectual porn. I'm not gonna bugger The Hunter's Daughter. My Favourite Aunt already gave me a mouthful about that. Then again..._

Bella is staring at him expectantly. "Snap out of it, bro. Look Dad, a friend is waiting for me outside, and _–_"

"A friend?" Sam asks. "I mean, we'd love to meet this friend of yours, too, I mean, if you're up for it."

"I've got a couple more beers in the fridge," Charlie says with a tempting smile.

"He doesn't drink," Bella says quickly, backing up slowly, hoping no one will notice her progression back toward the front door.

"Well, there's a first time for everything!" Dean cries merrily. "Bring in the initiate!"

"I don't think he'd want to..." Bella stalls, glancing behind her nervously.

"You don't know until you try," Sam adds with a friendly smile. He got a bad feeling about this friend as soon as Bella got home. Maybe it was the air of coldness that rushed through the door when they opened it. Or maybe it was nothing other than simple familiarity...

"Fine." The raven young lady stamps out of the room, leaving a lovestruck Dean, a quietly brooding Sam, and a happy-go-lucky Charlie, thrilled that his daughter would join him for longer than five minutes.

The utter paleness of the face presented before them is not the only dead giveaway of his subhuman status, Dean notes, horrified that his newest ravenous beauty should be seen in the company of such..._thing_ness. There's also that glint in his eye. And...

_...the smell._ The blood lining the esophagus and the back of the guy's throat is something Sam can sense with ease now, being the fellow blood-drinker he is. Sometimes it was just a guy with a really bad, under-cooked burger on his palate, sometimes an uppity young professional trying to look savvy by ordering the steak tartare. And it's definitely an animal besides human, Sam can tell as he sniffs a little closer. But no restaurant to his knowledge has a menu that serves an entire raw cow.

"Sam," Dean mutters, tightening his grip on the machete hanging loosely by his jeans. "He's _–_"

Sam almost panics. Dean's going to let the cat out of the bag. What can he do? Uh... "_– _vegetarian?" Sam breaks in.


	3. The DoucheBag, Part I

"Huh?" asks Bella, as Dean's hand noticeably relaxes. "You guys are vegetarian? You know, I'm pretty sure the labels for that brand of beer use pig fat in the glue or something...that's the reason I don't drink it," she says with a toss of her head.

"I'm vegetarian," Sam confirms shakily. "Didn't know about the beer, though. Guess I'll quit next week," he chuckles, gripping the neck of the bottle that was offered to him by Charlie when he first sat down.

Sam notices Dean eyeing him critically. He's wondering how Sam knew about the new-comer's diet. Shit. Sam'd be answering to that evil eye back at the motel.

"Anyway, this is Edward Cullen, now can we go. Please?" Her eyes plead with her dad's.

"Well...I guess _–_"

"But we only just met!" Dean protests, ushering the undead man to a chair, and pushing him down into it, forcibly. "I'm taking a liking to the boy! You say your name is Edward?" He tosses Edward a beer badly, and as it's about to tumble to the ground, Edward snaps out his wrist and grabs it. He then places it gently on the table-top. "So, Edward. What do you do for fun in this one-horse town?"

"Oh, I don't mind the small-town atmosphere," Edward says slowly and deliberately.

"Not many people around, huh?" Dean continues. "Kind of hard to miss the type of crazy criminal Bella's dad is currently tracking, one who rips his victims to shreds before feasting on their blood?"

"I wasn't aware of the case," Edward says simply.

"I told you about it, remember?" Bella says quizzically, poking Edward in jest.

He reaches out and grabs her fingers hard, then lets go just as quickly. "No, you didn't."

"But _–_"

"I would remember something so gory," Edward explains. "Perhaps you're mistaking another of your...friends...for me."

"You're probably right," Bella acquiesces, then says nothing more as the others take up the conversation once more.

"This...criminal..." Edward asks, "is it not a wild animal? A...wolf, perhaps?"

Sam shoots a questioning look at Dean. Why would this "vegetarian" vampire mention wolves in such a deliberate manner? And, his mind still wonders, why would Charlie convince Dad to let the werewolf walk free, once upon a time? He must have a good reason, Sam decides, like he had with the other vampires who didn't feed on humans. He had quite a time convincing Dean to let them walk away. But maybe there's something special about the werewolves in this area. His heart freezes as he thinks of Madison, and he thinks no more.

"We're examining all angles," Charlie replies haltingly, clearly not pleased with Edward's company.

But Dean is all ears, attention glued to Edward. "Yet it's a possibility," he admits mockingly, getting up in Edward's face. "Wild...animal...those two things might describe someone who..._appears_ human...but is really a cannibalistic creep," he finishes, purposely sweeping his fingers near Edward's nose in a melodramatic motion.

"I've heard there are werewolves in these woods," Edward states unflinchingly.

"That's just an old story," Bella says quickly, faking a laugh.

"So your friend Jacob may say," Edward says mysteriously. "But I'm here and he isn't. So who are you more apt to believe?"

Dean can hold it in no longer. "Seriously?" he shouts in Bella's general direction. She flinches and jumps back at his suddenness and loudness. "This douche is your boyfriend?"

"I...never said he was my boyfriend," she says, appearing to gasp for air.

"Boyfriend and girlfriend is for high-schoolers," Edward explains. "Bella is much more mature than that."

"Oh really?" Dean challenges him. "Mature enough for what, a hundred-year-old?"

"What are you talking about, Dean?" gasps Charlie.

"He's a vampire," Sam answers quietly, eyes glued to the developing scene between Bella, Dean, and Edward.

"Edward and I were meant to be together!" Bella cries, leaping in front of him protectively.

"That's like mating an anaconda with an ant," Dean says sarcastically. "Er...except that would've been a better metaphor if you were something more...majestic...like an eagle or a dolphin."

"Simile, Dean," Sam breaks in.

"Shut up, bitch."

"You got it, jerk."

"If I could be anything," Bella swears passionately, "I would be a vampire, just like Edward Cullen. And I would live with him forever, as his dutiful immortal soulmate!"

"Then you would be a douche, just like Edward Cullen," Dean says, shaking his head. "I can't believe this..." he mutters.

"Bella, you are forbidden to date vampires, or any other supernatural creatures." The belated household rule comes from Charlie, who is gazing at Edward and shaking.

"Yeah right, Dad!" she yells. "You would have me date Jacob in two seconds flat. But Edward you don't give the time of day to? What makes them so different?"

"I thought you regarded werewolves as just a story," Sam points out.

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but _–_"

"What she's trying to say is simple," Edward interrupts. "She loves me and she does not love Jacob. Have you ever loved across species boundaries, Sam Winchester?" Sam and Dean freeze. "Yes, you're known among our kind, you two. You are much feared and hated, although no hunter is so much as the one known as Gordon. You therefore gained some respect in my eyes when you slayed him."

"How generous," comments Dean. "Now maybe you could actually let your _girlfriend_ speak?"

"She has nothing to say. I, on the other hand, have much information to relay to this room full of hunters, if only they will shut their own mouths and let me speak uninterrupted."

"Yes, your highness _–"_

But Sam shushes Dean. "I think we should hear what he has to say."

Dean collapses in a chair. "Fine," he says, giving up. _But only for the moment._


	4. The DoucheBag, Part II

"There's a very powerful vampire – a _meatatarian_ vampire, I might add, for those of you aware of the commercial side of popular culture – after Bella," Edward admits. "My family is currently preparing to take her away from here for her own safety and protection."

"You're not taking her anywhere," Charlie growls. "And exactly what kind of vampire do you think you are, anyway?"

"He's vegetarian, Dad!" Bella cries. "Just like me! And that means we're soulmates!"

"I've never heard of such a thing," Charlie huffs.

"It's true," Sam cuts in. "We've encountered them before. They don't feed on humans, only other animals."

"Exactly!" Dean shouts in the midst of it all. He grabs Bella by the shoulders and looks her straight in the eye. "Think of your principles, Bella! Right now you refuse to eat a sweet baby cow. But think of your dinner plate if you became one of those things!"

"Think of your own dinner plate, Dean," Sam rolls his eyes.

"What, I never said I had principles."

"I don't care!" Bella proclaims with passion. "I'll do anything for Edward. M-maybe we could even start our own farm. A 'happy meat' farm! We'd massage the calves before breakfast, and give them teddy-bears to sleep with at night. Then it wouldn't be so bad. Right?"

"_I thought you all said you were going to listen to me!_" Edward suddenly roars.

The rest of the crowd fall silent.

"Dean's right, my dearest," Bella swallows. "You are a bit of a douche."

"I'll be anything you want me to be," he replies wildly. "Now...what exactly is a douche?"

"Aha! YES. Score one for the Deanster!"

"Shut up, Deanster."

"Shut up, person-who's-my-brother-who-somehow-knows-this-vampire-doesn't-feed-on-humans-just-by-sniffing-him. Now care to enlighten me?"

"Look," Edward breaks in, fighting to appear calm, but failing when his face twists in its ugly pale mass. "We are wasting precious minutes. Right now Bella could be on her way out of here. We have to get James off the scent immediately."

Bella revels in all the attention. _I smell sooooooooo good,_ she thinks with a satisfied little smile.

"If what he says is true, Charlie," Sam sighs, "then we _are_ wasting time."

Charlie sits quietly for a long, meditative moment. "Fine," he finally says. "But she is not going alone with those Cullens. If they're even only as principled as Bella apparently is in their vegetarianism, then she's not safe around them either."

"One machete, at your service," Dean bows.

"These boys will be accompanying you on your journey. I'll stay here and hopefully hunt down the bastard before he gets to you all."

"Score!" Dean whispers to Sam.

"Let's get our stuff together, Deanster," Sam returns.


End file.
